The picture above is from 5th grade. It’s an important picture because my dad did my hair that day.
…was tall and slender.
…could throw down in the kitchen.
…was artistic and musical, and was the person who taught me how to sign my name.
…hit my mom.
…made empty promises.
…was not around much.
…should’ve never procreated.
I used to say to myself “I don’t have daddy issues.” That was a boldface lie, I just didn’t know it. My life manifested itself into a clusterfuck that I sometimes don’t recognize, but through continual self-awareness, development and honesty I now know why – because I have fatherless daughter syndrome.
Fatherless Daughter Syndrome is a disorder of the emotional system that leads to repeated dysfunctional relationship
decisions, especially in the areas of trust, and self-worth. It is caused by the lack of a father/daughter bond, which leads
to the daughter not having a clear understanding of what a healthy, loving male/female relationship looks like. It can be
a lifelong syndrome if the symptoms go unrecognized and unacknowledged. The first relationship a little girl has with a man is the one she has with her father. This relationship gives life to what that little girl, who will eventually become a woman, will believe she deserves in her relationships with men. It is poignant, life-shaping, and oh so necessary. What happens to the little girl who doesn’t have the chance to experience this relationship?
Well, you are looking at her.
Without that relationship I had a hard time deciphering what I deserved or who I was worthy of having in my life. There
was no blueprint, no outline, or guide to help me understand the right way to be loved, and because I didn’t truly know,
I settled. I wholeheartedly could feel when something didn’t feel right in my relationships, but elected to stay in those
relationships because my sense of self was not fully developed. My decisions came from a place of scarcity rather than
love. There were so many things my dad could’ve showed me and saved me the trouble of letting my mistakes show me,
but he was selfish and put his needs before that of my brother and I.
I haven’t seen my father in close to ten years, which is by choice. I know where to find him but I haven’t decided if it is
Since I have taken the time to be away from the world and reevaluate my life and my decisions, I have had the
opportunity to understand my pattern. This is why I say I am recovering from Fatherless Daughter Syndrome because I
have taken the time to really look inside myself and understand what I want. It has not been easy, but it has been
necessary because the life I want and work hard towards everyday will not allow for it to be any other way.